i permit you to call me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
