Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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