I'm really into asian looking animals
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
