I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My life is pants optional.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
