I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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