There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
