dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
