I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
