i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize