You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
