plz talk dirty to me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
