omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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