did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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