nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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