How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize