proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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