my mouth tastes like poor choices
Girls should come with a carfax report
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
