I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize