she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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