her vagine was all disorganized.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
