Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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