i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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