Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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