i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
