i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
