I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize