You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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