I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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