I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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