I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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