ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
