Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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