Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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