why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
