well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
