do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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