Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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