I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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