I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
