she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize