Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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