I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
