So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
