puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
