She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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