what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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