You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
