yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
