I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I AM VODKA MAN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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