if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
