For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
