dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
