I'm jealous of your bromance
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
