Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
