come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
