When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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