I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize