I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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