It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
