I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
