she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
