so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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