im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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